What Grief Really Looks Like: A Therapist’s Perspective
Grief is one of the most universal human experiences—and one of the least understood. As a therapist, I’ve sat with many people navigating losses of all kinds: the death of someone they love, the end of a relationship, the shattering of a dream, or the loss of safety after trauma. What I’ve learned is that grief rarely looks like what people expect. It’s not neat, linear, or predictable. It’s human.
In this post, I want to normalize what real grief looks like, offer insight from a therapeutic perspective, and remind you that whatever your grief looks like—it’s valid.
Grief Isn’t a Straight Line
You may have heard of the “five stages of grief,” but in real life, grief is less like stages on a staircase and more like waves on the ocean. Some days, you may feel a sense of grounding; other days, the smallest reminder can knock the wind out of you. This isn’t regression. It’s how the brain and body process loss.
In therapy, I often tell clients: Healing isn’t moving on—it’s moving forward with what you’ve lived through.
It Shows Up Emotionally, Physically, and Even Behaviorally
Grief affects the whole person. Some signs surprise people, so here’s what I often see in practice:
Emotional signs
Sadness, numbness, anger
Guilt or self-blame
Relief (yes, this is normal too)
Confusion or difficulty concentrating
Physical signs
Sleep disruptions
Fatigue or low energy
Changes in appetite
Headaches or muscle tension
Behavioral signs
Withdrawing from people
Feeling restless or easily overwhelmed
Increased sensitivity to stress
You aren’t “doing it wrong” if your grief doesn’t look like someone else’s. There’s no template.
Why Grief Can Feel So Unpredictable
From a cognitive-behavioral lens, grief is tied to the thoughts and beliefs we build around our loss. For example:
“I should be doing better by now.”
“If I laugh, does that mean I didn’t love them enough?”
“I need to be strong for everyone else.”
These thoughts add an emotional weight on top of the pain you’re already carrying. Therapy helps people identify and gently challenge these beliefs so they can grieve without unnecessary self-judgment.
There’s No “Right Way” to Grieve
Some people cry easily; others don’t cry at all. Some want to talk; others need quiet. Some process grief quickly; others move through it over months or years.
Your pace doesn’t need to match anyone else’s expectations. You’re allowed to heal in the way your mind and body need.
How Therapy Can Help You Through Grief
Therapy doesn’t take away the loss, but it helps you make sense of your reactions, build healthy coping strategies, and reconnect with the parts of life that matter to you. In my work with clients, CBT can help by:
Identifying harsh or unhelpful thoughts that complicate grief
Developing grounding skills for emotional waves
Rebuilding routines and meaning after a loss
Providing a supportive space where nothing you feel is “too much”
Grief is not a problem to be solved—it’s an experience to be supported.
If You’re Grieving, Here’s What I Want You to Know
You’re not broken.
Your reactions make sense.
You’re allowed to take your time.
You don’t have to navigate loss on your own.
Schedule a Counseling Session for Grief & Bereavement
Therapy can help you feel less overwhelmed and more anchored. If you’re ready to talk to someone who understands the messy, complicated nature of grief, reach out today.